Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
