youre lurking in front of me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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