there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
