You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
