rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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