That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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