This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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