What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
