Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
