Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
