You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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