I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
