Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
