the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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