Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Houston, we have a blender
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
