Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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