either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
