I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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