the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
