Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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