Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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