Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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