i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
