He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
