he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
