I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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