I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
