Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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