so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
