I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
