you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
