I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i out mim tonsoeep
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