She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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