i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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