Screwed.edu
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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