I feel great
I just peed on a car
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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