The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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