what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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