apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Boobs speak an international language.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
