my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
