Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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