she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
