Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
