Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
