this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
