I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
