I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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