Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
