What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
