someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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