is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
