why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
