I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
