she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
