he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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