I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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