hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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