Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
