Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
